some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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