I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
