hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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