I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
