I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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