I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
