My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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