If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
