i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
