Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
