I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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