Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
