our cab driver is having phone sex.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
