you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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