I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
