i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
