Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
