I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
