Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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