I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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