1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
