one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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