party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
