I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
