Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
