ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
