I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
