At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
