Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
