i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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