Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
