Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
