I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
