I heard we made out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
