I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
