you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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