It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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