and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize