I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
