I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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