anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
