we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
