Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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