so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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