If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Floor bacon is actually really good
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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