That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
