Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
