Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
