First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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