Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
