I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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