pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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