There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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